December 24, 2024

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m EXHAUSTED. Met our goal though last night of getting all our presents wrapped before the big night so we can just relax all day and all evening tonight. 

As this year comes to a close I can’t help but reflect on how grateful I am to have Fenwick & the Futures where it’s at. I still have SO much I want to do with it, and I want it to be SO much further than it is BUT we made huge leaps of progress this year and it’s all thanks to the listeners. Most of which heard one song “Thanks But No Thanks” and decided, yep this is cool, I’m gonna follow this. For this I’m so very grateful.

Okay time to get a little personal here because that’s the protocol for these journals 😆 This whole “Beautiful, Terrible” and shadow vs light vibe that has been F&TF’s whole thing for the last year and a half… it’s interesting because I’ve been building it all up with this whole vibe only to realize that I haven’t truly faced my own shadows. The Shadow/Light choose-your-own adventure story I wrote was ironically subconsciously a way for me to tell myself to take the shadow path, to delve deep and heal old wounds that I’ve carried my whole life. I wasn’t writing it for this purpose. I didn’t consciously realize that the story was for me at all, but the more I’ve promoted things this year the more I realized… oh. I still have demons to face. 

In 2016 I saw a therapist for about a year. We delved deep into stuff together. Then I wrote, recorded, and released the Visionaries album. I finished therapy with that particular therapist then started doing my own work with meditation practices and yoga practices. I thought that’s all I needed to continue to be as normal of a person as possible. Then the pandemic hit and this new album concept was inspired, showing me that there are yet more shadows to face, and not only that but I only just barely scratched the surface with that first therapist… an extremely daunting thought to realize. Anyway, all of this is to say that I finally got a new therapist, and I officially start seeing them tomorrow to continue working through facing my demons.

As with starting anything new, I’m anxious, nervous, and excited all at the same time. I don’t know what’s to come from all of it, but I’m looking forward to embracing the “terrible” to more fully appreciate the “beautiful” in my life.

If you’re reading this. Thank you from the depths of my heart and soul for being here. YOU are part of that “beautiful” side in my life, and I’m so grateful you found my musical project here.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and never forget that YOU ARE A FUTURE. ✨🖤

PS- In case you missed it, I posted our OFFICIAL lyric/performance video for “Stay Awake” on YouTube today HERE.

/nathan

“Fenwick & the Futures”