September 27, 2023
It’s been a good week.
My new studio monitors finally arrived after
one of my old ones blew up on me.
So I can FINALLY kick things into high gear
recording the new album,
I’ve also thoroughly enjoyed hearing
so much positive feedback on
the new Shadow/Light choose-your-own-adventure
experience along with the music... :)
Today I received a response that
really just blew me away.
I won’t share who it was from
or what they said specifically
but just that it confirmed to me
why I’m doing all of this...
Why am I creating music every day?
First a little background for those just tuning in…
For the last ten years
I’ve created music for television shows,
that has been my living that has allowed me to
provide for my spouse and 3 kids for the past decade.
I quickly learned though in that time that
I didn’t want to create music for the money.
I had to do it in order to survive & provide, but
making music felt way more important than
just “doing it for the money”.
And I’ve actually travelled in and out of
quite the repeating episodes of
deep depression over the years because of this…
I’m trying to think of an analogy that could
accurately describe my feelings on the matter…
It’s like…
hmm…
My mind for some reason always goes to
farming analogies lol
(wtf, I’ve never even lived on a farm ha!
but I sure have put a lot of hours into
games like Harvest Moon & Story of Seasons
over the years bahaha,
fellow gamer nerds feel me?)
Okay so writing music for television for a living
it’s like as if I were a farmer…
and I had all the know-how to
grow all varieties of delicious food to feed
the hungry of the world,
but instead of doing that,
I was only allowed to grow the most basic-bitch
of crops (lol) that weren’t even used to
feed people,
but instead were used as props on TV sets that
goes straight into the garbage afterwards.
Doesn’t even get eaten.
The actors and production crew
don’t even eat it or enjoy it
and why would they? It’s basic lol
(Actually do TV sets use real food as props?
Maybe plastic food? I really have no idea lol
TV composers aren’t invited on set,
we just slave away in a dark room making music all day
hoping it gets used enough to pay for
next year’s living expenses.
And yes, I DID say next YEAR’s expenses lol
because it usually takes a whole year to
actually get paid on music used on television,
if it even gets used at all)
Well anyway for the sake of my analogy
the point is, if I were a farmer in this situation
I would get paid to use this skill
but it would feel like it wasn’t getting used to
serve the greater good.
(*Cue in the clip from the movie “The Incredibles”
where Frozone’s spouse says, “Greater good?
I am the GREATEST good you are EVER gonna get!)
LOL.
Anyway, I know this is just a very ungrateful way of
looking at things though...
I am truly grateful I’ve been
able to use my skills in music
in order to, at the very least, provide a living
and a life for my sweet family…
I actually feel very lucky to have been able to do that
for a whole decade so far,
but I guess there has always just been this inner-desire
to serve not only my inner circle with music
(providing for my family)
but to serve my outer circle too.
Well, this email response I mentioned receiving today
just confirmed to me that doing all of this
with Fenwick & the Futures
really is filling that long-time desire
to serve the outer circle in my life.
Even if it were just one person,
at least I reached the outer circle
in a meaningful way.
This email response though
actually moved me to tears with
this inner confirmation.
So to everyone who is reading this right now…
just know…
I truly aim to serve.
Maybe I can help someone’s difficult day tomorrow
feel even just a little bit better with my music.
That’s always the hope at least. :)
Until next week, FUTURES. 🙏🏻
/n8
“Fenwick & the Futures